Helpful Tips | Marta Papa | St. Louis, Missouri Divorce & Mediation Attorney

Five Tips For Resolving Conflict Peacefully

1. Separate the people from the problem;

2. Listen actively to the other party's view;

3. Brainstorm solutions with the other party;

4. Realize the cost of conflict;

5. Realize that conflict does not just impact the parties involved.

10 Helpful Parenting Tips

There are simple steps a parent can take to help reduce the impact of divorce or separation on minor children. Children tend to be very worried about what the future will bring for them when their parents are embroiled in the battle of ending a marriage. It is very important to reassure them that not only do both parents still love them, but the children will continue to have a place to live, involvement from both parents in their lives, and they will be able to continue their education.

Here are some things to keep in mind when interacting with your children during this difficult time in their lives:

Let your children know they will be able to see the other parent, and let them know the visitation schedule.
Tell your child that he or she is not in any way the cause of the divorce or separation.
Make certain that your comments about the other parent are positive. Your children will be very sensitive to negative remarks about your former spouse as it is in some ways a reflection of them.
When making plans or changing visitation, consult the other parent directly, do not use your children as messengers.
Do not ask your children questions about the other parent.
Be prompt for pick up and drop off.
Do not argue with the other parent in front of the children, or within earshot of the children.
Encourage your children to contact the other parent during your custody time, especially to share good news.
If your children are young, take them to pick out a gift or a card to give the other parent for mother's/father's day, or their birthday.
Avoid changing plans on your children; they will look forward with much anticipation to the scheduled time they will spend with you.

12 Tips for Surviving an Oral Deposition

At some point while your divorce is pending, your attorney may call you and utter these words "I just received a notice from the other side to take your deposition." To be sure, your heart rate will increase and you may feel faint, but take a deep breath and remember that this is just a standard procedure in family law. The purpose of a deposition is to obtain your testimony, under oath, before a trial. The opposing counsel will want to discredit you and try to fluster you during your testimony.

It is important that you make a good impression, and you should treat the event as though you were appearing at trial, before a judge.

Here are some simple rules to follow:

Appearance counts. Dress neatly and make sure you are well groomed. Business casual and conservative attire are fine.
Be respectful of opposing counsel - this includes facial expression. Answer questions as though you were talking to a judge.
Do not answer a question you do not understand; ask counsel to repeat the question or explain it further.
Speak clearly. It is important that the court reporter understand you when you talk.
Answer the question concisely, then stop talking.
Do not answer questions that are not asked - do not volunteer information.
Be truthful.
Remain calm. Do not raise your voice or lose your temper.
If you do not know the answer to a question - just say that you do not know.
State the facts that you know personally, and stick to those facts.
Don't hesitate to ask to take a break to use the restroom, get a refreshment, or just cool off.
Meet with your attorney before the deposition so that you may go over the rules and asks questions about what else to expect.

Keeping Legal Fees Down
As if ending a marriage were not enough, you also need to face legal fees in the process. Many people view their attorney as a necessary evil, but there are ways a client can make the most of his/her relationship with an attorney and reduce the costs of legal fees. Here as some things to keep in mind during the pendency of your case:

Not all battles advance your case. It may be difficult to let go of some things, but if you are simply seeking vindication, you may spend a lot of money and get nowhere. So pick your battles wisely.
Be prepared. Gather your financial documentation - including bank statement, mortgage statements, deeds, credit card bills, retirement account statements and titles to personal property - in a timely and thorough manner. Reminders from your attorney to provide this information will only add to legal fees.
Decline to fight over assets of limited value. Is that kitchen table really worth four hours of letters and phone calls back and forth to attorneys?
Know that 95% of divorce cases are settled without trial. From the beginning of your case, start thinking about what a settlement would look like, and discuss this with your attorney.
Tell your attorney EVERYTHING. It won't help your case - and it will surely increase your legal fees - if you fail to immediately disclose that there is a warrant out for your arrest, or you filed bankruptcy two weeks prior.
Give your attorney your undivided attention when you call as the meter is running. If you are calling with general complaints about your current or former spouse, you might want to wait and take these discussions to your therapist or counselor.
Realize that even if you are prepared, reasonable and forthright, your spouse may not necessarily behave in a similar manner. An unreasonable opposing party can increase your fees despite your best efforts to contain costs.